cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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