Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
