Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
