totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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