I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
