don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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