I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize