Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
