My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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