Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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