listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
