I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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