I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
