Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
