I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
