She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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