my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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