I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
