Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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