I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My balls are so social today.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
