look no pants
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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