check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
