i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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