My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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