he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think people are normalizing furries
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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