I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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