just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
