You can't motorboat a personality
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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