So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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