I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
