i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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