If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
