Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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