dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
