but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
