I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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