i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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