Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
