yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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