Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
