My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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