Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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