I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize