About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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