the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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