I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
