Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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