I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How external is "for external use only"?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
