He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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