Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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