the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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