You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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