i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
