okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
