She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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