can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
