Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
