Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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