woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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