If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
