It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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