just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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