you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
