yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize