There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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